All This Life is a Ghost of You
by Silverstar2424
Summary: After Sam dies, Dean is depressed so he goes to London only to become Sebastian Moran. When it turns out that Sam is still alive who will he choose?


_**Authors Note: This story is for Greenie over at FIP:VSQN. I sadly own nothing. **_

This Life is a Ghost of You

"Dean?" Sebastian Moran ignored the voice focusing on his target sitting in the café across the road. The man had just sat down and was oblivious to the sniper in the building opposite. "Dean? What the hell are you doing?" the voice said. Seb thought in the back of his mind that it sounded vaguely like… but he had been dead for nearly 5 years now. _Focus _he thought. Seb took several deep breaths and looked down the scope to the target; he waited for the silence between his heartbeats, and then shot. His aim was true and hit the target in the head causing the café to erupt in chaos. Seb quickly put his gun away and turned to leave so he could get back to Jim.

When he arrived in London, Seb had needed a quick way to earn some money and Jim had needed his services. It had quickly become more than just a business arrangement. Seb had, against his wildest imagination, fallen in love with Jim. He wasn't always sure that Jim felt the same but that was okay with Seb, he had needed someone new to protect and fill the empty void that consumed him. Jim had fit the role. He would do anything for Jim, no questions asked.

Seb became aware of someone following him but was able to quickly give him the slip. London was, after all, his city now. Seb soon arrived at the flat he and Jim shared. Jim was on the phone with someone and just nodded at Seb as he walked silently in. He sat in the chair across from Jim and watched him as he talked on the phone in another language. Jim was beautiful in a dangerous sort of way, like a snake. Mesmerizing but at the same time it was always clear just how dangerous he could be, waiting to strike the moment he was let down. Seb had never let him down, and would never do so. He was rewarded for that.

A few days later Seb walked into their flat only to see Jim standing over a man who was tied to a chair. While it was not exactly rare to see Jim standing over a tied up man it was rare to see it in their flat.

"Jim who's that?" Seb asked curious to find out who was special enough to be tied up in the flat.

"Why don't you come here and see?" Jim said "I found him trying to break in, he claims to know you." It was followed by a cold smile, not the kind usually given to him, but the one for those people Jim couldn't stand. It broke Seb's heart just a little to see that look directed at him.

"Jim, I swear I don't know—" He was cut off by Jim saying "Come here now."

Seb walked over to were Jim stood and turned to look at the man sitting in the chair. It was a man Seb had thought dead for 5 years. "Sam?" Sam just nodded. "I thought you were dead."

"No, but you left and I was trying to find you, Dean –" Sam was interrupted my Jim's slap. Seb managed not to flinch, but only barely.

"Silence. You will speak only if I tell you to speak." Jim then turned to Seb "Do you know him?" "Sam was, is, my brother. He's the reason I left the states, I thought he was dead."

Jim thought for a moment before saying "Well it doesn't matter because he soon will be. I'll be back in an hour and he had better have a bullet through his brain, understand?" Seb managed not show his horror from his practice at hiding his emotions from Jim.

"Yes sir. I understand." Seb told him.

"Good" Jim smirked before capturing Seb's mouth in a searing kiss and walking out the door.

As soon as Jim had left Sam started talking "Dean what the fuck is going on? First I saw you shoot a guy for no reason, and now you're kissing the guy who tied me up?"

"First, I'm not Dean anymore, I'm Sebastian Moran. Second you'd better start explaining why you are alive because you have about 30 seconds before I shoot you." Seb pulled out the colt the only thing of his old life he had kept and aimed at Sam's head.

"Okay, Okay, Well you know the motel burned down"

Seb gave him an impatient look before tapping his wrist and saying "Of course I know the motel burned down. You burned up with it"

"No, I didn't, see the firefighters pulled me out, but I was badly burned and barely alive" Sam continued before being interrupted again.

"I checked the hospital you weren't there, and then I went to the morgue, I ID'ed your body Sam."

"Well, whoever you ID'ed wasn't me. They sent the victims to two different hospitals but no one came to claim me so they had to wait until I regained consciousness but because of how badly I was burned they kept me drugged for nearly a month. By that time you were gone and when I tried to call you I got a message saying it had been disconnected. So I called Bobby who was very surprised to hear from me because apparently I was dead. I called Ellen too, and they both came to the hospital. When I asked them where you were Bobby said you had sent him a postcard from the JFK airport that said you were leaving and not coming back. So after I healed I went looking for you. As you can see I finally found you." Sam paused before saying "Your turn start talking."

"I think you're forgetting who has the gun." Seb said finally.

"Come on, Dean, you aren't actually going to shoot me." Sam said exasperatedly.

"I'm considering it." He looked thoughtfully at Sam. "I'm not Dean anymore; I haven't been for a long time. Dean was pathetic and broken so I ran away. I became Sebastian. Fell in love. Got a job of sorts. I was _happy_. Why did you have to come and ruin it?"

"That man doesn't love you Dean. I don't think he loves anyone." Sam said softly.

"Jim saved me. He gave me a reason to live. He gave me something that makes sense. I have a purpose." Seb told Sam because even though he was going to kill him it was important that he understood.

"Killing innocents isn't a purpose." Sam said forcefully.

"Always with the _conscience_, Sammy. I don't play god, I just follow orders. I would kill anyone he asked me to."

"Including me?" Sam didn't seem scared only sad that his brother had come to this.

"Including you." Seb didn't even hesitate.

"So when I ask you to kill me before I turn into a monster you won't, but you'll kill me for some random British guy in a suit?" Seb just stared. "I used to look up to you; I always thought you were the best person in the world. Even when I was mad I always understood why you did what you did. But this… you changed and it's not for the better. The Dean I knew would have hated what you are now."

Seb looked at Sam, his little brother back from the dead, who he spent his whole life protecting and then when he failed breaking into a million pieces and he knew he would never recover. So he had picked up the biggest pieces and held them together and left, Ran as far away as he could to try to forget. He created Seb, who had pushed the broken pieces of Dean into the deep, dark corners of his mind and became the very thing that Sam had always protected him from becoming.

Dean lowered the gun and but it back inside his jacket before walking over and untying Sam.

"Dean?" Sam asked unsure of what was going on. Dean walked over to Sam and hugged him tight. Sam returned the hug still a bit confused about what was happening.

"Yeah Sammy, it's me." Dean ended the hug and stepped back. "I've got to stop Jim." He led him to the bedroom. "Hide in here until I come and get you" Sam walked in and Dean shut the door.

Jim walked into the flat and saw only Seb standing in the middle of the room, "Is it done?" He asked.

"Yes. I took care of it for you, Jim." Dean replied coldly.

"Good boy. I think someone deserves a little reward." Jim walk toward Dean and started kissing him. Dean kissed back for a moment allowing himself to say good bye to the man he thought he had loved. Then he thrust the knife in his hand upward. Jim staggered back before falling on the ground.

"Seb…." Jim croaked "Why?"

"My name's not Sebastian. It's Dean Winchester."

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